I was sitting in the banker’s office when I was ambushed. Not by a bank robber, but by words on her computer monitor. It was in big bold lettering at the top of the huge screen: “CHRIS HAGA, DECEASED. DATE OF DEATH 6-25-2016.

I had not been in denial at all. I had been terminating all of Chris’ accounts for a couple of weeks and had no problem telling people that he had passed away and the date of his death. It was administrative work that I had tackled as if I were working for my bookkeeping clients. (It was during that period when I was numb and just robot-like did what needed to be done.) But seeing it in bold letters on a financial document glaring at me, the finality of my husband’s life hit me smack in the face. This was my husband’s death we were dealing with, not just an administrative matter. When the banker looked up, tears were streaming down my face. She understandingly handed me a tissue and waited for me to regain my composure.