It’s been a while since I’ve written a brand new blog post. I felt I had nothing new to say, as I’d previously poured my heart out and shared all the wisdom I could think of to help others who are going through a devastating medical diagnosis, caregiving, preparing for the loss of a loved one, grief, and/or moving forward with life.
And then Thursday, Friday, and Sunday happened.
I was sitting in the banker’s office when I was ambushed. Not by a bank robber, but by words on her computer monitor. It was in big bold lettering at the top of the huge screen: “CHRIS HAGA, DECEASED. DATE OF DEATH 6-25-2016.
I had not been in denial at all. I had been terminating all of Chris’ accounts for a couple of weeks and had no problem telling people that he had passed away and the date of his death. It was administrative work that I had tackled as if I were working for my bookkeeping clients. (It was during that period when I was numb and just robot-like did what needed to be done.) But seeing it in bold letters on a financial document glaring at me, the finality of my husband’s life hit me smack in the face. This was my husband’s death we were dealing with, not just an administrative matter. When the banker looked up, tears were streaming down my face. She understandingly handed me a tissue and waited for me to regain my composure.
At our monthly Cancer Encouragement Group in 2013, Paul Guffey, a cancer survivor and talented musician, played the guitar and sang a soft, tranquil song that he wrote. I found myself wiping away tears; it made my heart swell so much with emotion that I couldn’t contain it. The song helped me realize that my love for the Lord had continued and grown despite the storms in life we were experiencing. He was giving me the strength to carry on through each day. With Paul’s permission, I will share the lyrics with you and pray that it will touch your heart, too.
