I shared my heart with my Bible study group last month. Below is what I sent to them:
I've been reminiscing today looking at some old blogs I've written and am still amazed at how God has used my life over the last 14 years to help others. I'm hesitant to speak up sometimes during our Bible study "Sharing" questions for fear I may come across as trying to use our group to promote my books. But it's time I speak up.
It’s been a while since I’ve written a brand new blog post. I felt I had nothing new to say, as I’d previously poured my heart out and shared all the wisdom I could think of to help others who are going through a devastating medical diagnosis, caregiving, preparing for the loss of a loved one, grief, and/or moving forward with life.
And then Thursday, Friday, and Sunday happened.
Every year, more women die from lung cancer than from breast cancer according to the American Cancer Society. Early detection is the key to survival, as my friend Cindy Johnston can attest to. I met Cindy in 1998 when she was my sons’ choir director in elementary school. She was also my handbell choir director in church and became a personal friend. Knowing my late husband’s journey with lung cancer, Cindy contacted me when her doctors suspected she may have lung cancer. Her story gives me goosebumps. She had no symptoms. Here is her amazing story of a series of events that allowed early detection and treatment—and survival:
Well, it’s exactly 6 years after Chris died. As you’ll recall this past January, I wrote a blog titled, “Where Am I Now?” I wrote that I was moving forward with my life and had started dating in 2019, with the goal of finding someone to fall in love with and get married again.
After being in a couple of relationships that didn’t work out. I joined online dating again, praying that God would open the door to the right man and close the door on the men that weren’t right for me. Not only was God closing the door on every man, he was quickly slamming the door shut. Discouraged, thinking God was telling me this wasn’t the right time, I was about ready to call it quits for a while. But first, I got down on my knees and poured my heart out to God, telling Him that I really want to move forward with my life and find a great man to marry.
Then “Mr. Right” messaged me through Match.com.
The evening of June 24, 2016, Chris was comatose. The nurse told me he may pass that night. Time ticked on. I had an hour of sleep in the last two days, and our sons had traveled from afar to be with their dad.
“Come on, Chris, we’re so tired. What are you waiting for?” I asked during the wee hours the next morning. It sounded callous, and my words shocked everyone, including myself. Exhaustion had taken over.
The hours continued to pass.
“Jesus, hurry up. Just take me now!” Chris begged.
By June 23, 2016, Chris was out of breath just standing. He was ready for the end to come. It was agonizing to watch him struggling, but it also made it easier for me to be willing to let him go. It didn’t appear God intended to heal him this time. He couldn’t ride his bike, do photography, eat, sleep, or work. He didn’t even have the stamina to stand up. His food, water, and breathing were restricted. He had absolutely no pleasures or quality of life left.
“I feel like God has abandoned me. Why isn’t He answering?” asked Chris.
It finally dawned on me.
We attended a local concert in 2014 where Christian artist Carman Licciardello was singing. Diagnosed with cancer in 2013, Carman was told to get his affairs in order and prepare to die. But a year after treatment and disease-free, he was touring again.
After one of his songs, he asked his audience to stand up and join him in singing it again with him. Neither Chris nor I could open our mouths; we were choked up after hearing words we felt were meant for us. Wrapping our arms around each other’s waist, tears streamed down our cheeks as everyone around us sang “Prayer.” The song was about how nothing is impossible for those who faithfully believe. With prayer, the Lord can move a mountain and create miracles over and over again.
Today would have been our 36th wedding anniversary. I still miss Chris so much. But I have peace because I can see the bigger picture, especially after writing about our journey through cancer.
Although we’ll never know exactly why God allowed Chris to have lung cancer, we were blessed to have experienced such an ordeal together. As trite and inconceivable as that might sound, it’s true. Our love for each other grew stronger. We learned to not take life or each other for granted. Each day became more treasured as God’s hand was revealed, even in difficult moments.
It’s hard to believe it’s been four years ago today when Chris passed away. Life has continued on and been filled with excitement with the marriage of our older son four months later and the birth of our first grandchild almost nine months ago. I’ve published two books and have been working on a big project the last two years (I’ll share more about that sometime).
On the downside, a close relative has had a return of metastatic cancer after almost 20 years of remission. A total shock. Then two nights ago I received a call from my cousin. Her husband had a massive stroke and is currently nonresponsive. Then there’s the COVID-19 pandemic the whole world is facing. We never know what may be in our future, do we?
I started cleaning house tonight, getting ready for family to come celebrate an early Christmas. Dusting the nativity scene, I stopped to pause and think about that little baby in the manger and the sole reason He was born. He was born to be the Savior for you and me.
If you’re missing a loved one due to health issues, or you’re about to lose someone, remember that cancer didn’t have the last word—God did. As our friend Tom Wohlgamuth said at the graveside service, “Chris didn’t lose his battle with cancer. Cancer lost its battle with Chris. When the cancer conquered his body, the cancer stopped living. It died. Forever. But Chris lives because Jesus conquered sin and death for us!”
Do you ever wonder when your last day on earth will be? Only God knows. We never like to lose loved ones and usually feel God took them too soon. But God has a plan for our life here on earth, and He determined the number of our days before we were even born.
If you were to die tomorrow, have you done everything you wish you could have done—things that really mattered? Or has “life” gotten in the way?
Three years ago today, Chris went home with the Lord. In remembrance, here’s part of his eulogy:
Chris knew that this was his temporary home. We can’t celebrate his life without talking about what was most important to him, and that was his faith. When Chris was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in July 2010, no one understood why he would have gotten that particular type of cancer since he had never smoked in his entire life. He could only come up with one reason: He accepted the diagnosis as part of God’s plan to use him to reach others as he witnessed for Christ. Chris also helped pave the way for successful treatments to be used on other lung cancer patients. He took part in 4 clinical trials, 2 of which were FDA approved while he was in the trials due to the success the treatments were achieving. Chris said he was willing to be a guinea pig if it helped someone else beat lung cancer.
Six months after Chris was diagnosed and he had experienced setback after setback, we could have easily started feeling sorry for ourselves. But we had a reality check that I documented in my journal:
Wednesday, we were riding the shuttle van back to the hotel from MD Anderson. We stopped at a children’s hospital to pick up a mother and her nine-year-old son. She struggled to lift him into the front seat. He apparently had brain cancer, as he was bald and lacked motor skills and had tremors. The mother was cheerful, as was the boy. He sang with the radio on the way to the hotel (or at least attempted to sing). We were all laughing because he was so happy, and it was so touching.
I have a confession to make. I used to open my Bible only on Sundays. I tried reading through the Bible many times over the years but lost interest because I was reading it as merely a historical book instead of the living Word of God.
We were driving to Houston once again, a captive audience listening to sermons on our favorite Christian radio station.
Robert Jeffress preached first. “It’s important to read your Bible every day, preferably first thing in the morning before your day starts.”
Chuck Swindoll was next. “I suggest reading your Bible first thing in the morning before starting the day,” he said.
Then came David Jeremiah’s sermon. “The ideal time to read the Bible is first thing in the morning before your day starts.”
Finally, Charles Stanley came on. I’ll give you one guess what the sermon was about.
“Okay, God, I got the message!” I shouted. His voice may not have been audible, but His message came through loud and clear. I needed to deepen my knowledge and strengthen my spiritual walk to make it through the tough times ahead.
