Joy

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His Love Carries Me

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Today would have been our 36th wedding anniversary. I still miss Chris so much. But I have peace because I can see the bigger picture, especially after writing about our journey through cancer.

Although we’ll never know exactly why God allowed Chris to have lung cancer, we were blessed to have experienced such an ordeal together. As trite and inconceivable as that might sound, it’s true. Our love for each other grew stronger. We learned to not take life or each other for granted. Each day became more treasured as God’s hand was revealed, even in difficult moments.

A Small Miracle

When you’re dealing with cancer, things that wouldn’t normally frustrate the average person can be extremely stressful and frustrating for the cancer patient (and the caregiver). Although I had rarely seen Chris cry during the first 26 years of our marriage, after the cancer diagnosis, that changed. He became easily frustrated over things that never bothered him previously. Emotions easily surfaced, as he was having to deal with a life-threatening illness, side effects of treatment, side effects of the cancer itself, changes in work status and routine, changes in physical appearance, financial stress, loss of social activities, loss of physical capabilities, etc. I tried to put myself in his place, which helped me be more compassionate.

My moods reflected his. When he was up, I was up. When he was down, I was down. One particular day,