“Jesus, hurry up. Just take me now!” Chris begged.
By June 23, 2016, Chris was out of breath just standing. He was ready for the end to come. It was agonizing to watch him struggling, but it also made it easier for me to be willing to let him go. It didn’t appear God intended to heal him this time. He couldn’t ride his bike, do photography, eat, sleep, or work. He didn’t even have the stamina to stand up. His food, water, and breathing were restricted. He had absolutely no pleasures or quality of life left.
“I feel like God has abandoned me. Why isn’t He answering?” asked Chris.
It finally dawned on me.
“Everyone is praying for you to live, but we’re praying now for God to take you. We need to pray for God’s will and His timing and ask others to do the same.”
We ended up that day at the hospital emergency room. While waiting, I checked messages on my phone. I found a message from Ben Kendall, a family friend who had lived with us years earlier while he was in seminary. With his permission, I’m sharing his words of comfort and wisdom.
“Never forget that God is always with you and He feels your pain with you. He does not distance Himself and He embraces you when you are overwhelmed. He satisfies you when you feel empty and hopeless. He can take your anger when you are mad or frustrated. He will be your listener when you just need to spill your emotions out. He will uphold you when you feel like it is going to fall apart. May God pour out the same love, compassion, and mercy that matches and even supersedes the anguish you must be feeling. God has a reason. This has not been in vain. Many people have been encouraged by your faith through the last few years. Many people have been changed for the better. What Satan has meant for evil, God has made good.”
The following day the hospitalist said we were out of options for treatment. Chris requested, “Just make me comfortable.” Chris and I were unbelievably calm in the face of death. We had peace even though our life was in turmoil.
He passed away peacefully on June 25, 2016. Assured of Chris’ salvation and that he was now with the Lord, I was at peace in my heart. He faced death courageously, knowing he would soon be spending eternity in heaven. He fought for his life to the end. Although it wasn’t the healing on earth that we prayed for, he kept his faith.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
— 2 Timothy 4:7
Whenever Chris was in the hospital, the nurse would always write a goal for the day on the whiteboard. Sometimes it was simply “Go home.” Before leaving the hospital after he died, I grabbed the marker and wrote, “Went home with the Lord.” Then I drew a smiley face.
I wanted the medical staff to know, “It is well with my soul.”
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
— Philippians 4:7