You’ve lost someone very special to you. Time has passed, and you want to move forward with your life—but how do you do that?
I was widowed in 2016 at age 56, with a lot of life to live still ahead of me. My life has greatly changed since I began moving forward. Because of my husband’s cancer journey and subsequent death, I am suddenly a published author and am becoming a public speaker*—two things I would never have thought I would be in a million years. Sharing our story and helping others brings me joy.
I’m a little more than five and a half years into my grief, but I am still a work in progress. I’m not always strong and don’t always have it all together.
Find Your Calling: I feel I’ve come far in my grief. But focusing on writing and publishing Chris’ and my books almost constantly for the first two years and reliving our journey almost daily caused me to wonder if I would ever get to move forward to the next phase of my life and begin dating. I feel my calling is to share my husband’s cancer journey and how our love for each other and our faith carried us through the difficult times.
Don’t Get Stuck in Your Grief: In October 2018 at a widow's encouragement group meeting at my church, the leader asked the ladies one question that I had been struggling with, and it immediately brought me to tears. She asked, "Where are you in your journey compared to where you started? Are you continuing to move forward in your grief, or are you stuck?"
Chris' spirit is still with me. For the first two years, I still felt married. I tried one time to refer to him as my "late husband." That was so weird. He hated to be late for anything! That day, I suddenly felt stuck in this phase. How could I move forward to begin dating when I still felt married and was constantly having to reflect on our past together to share our story? Who would want to date someone who is always talking about her first husband? I had been feeling like it should be “either/or” (either I do my “ministry” or I date).
The ladies in the group helped me realize it can be “and.” That gave me hope. I loved their word picture of a man holding my hand, walking with me as I continue to share my story about the cancer journey with Chris. It will take a strong, secure man who is willing to “compete” with my husband’s spirit still beating strong in my heart—someone who understands the depth of continued love for a deceased spouse. One woman pointed out I wasn’t “stuck” in my grief—God had “placed” me in my grief for the purpose of helping others.
Are you “stuck,” or were you “placed” in your grief? There is a difference.
My friend Ann wisely counseled me: “This is in God’s hands. The journey He has for you looks quite different from the journey you imagine. When you are at a place of ‘being stuck,’ this puts you at the feet of Jesus. You cry out your frustration of being stuck. Then you wait…and listen for God’s direction to move forward.”
Embrace Your New Phase of Life: I’m an introvert and have always admired people who can speak confidently in front of a large group. It’s way out of my comfort zone, but in this new phase of my life, my goal is to achieve that ability someday.
You might be entering a new phase of your life. Maybe it’s time to make some changes. If you weren’t afraid of failure, what would you like to do with your life? It’s okay to have a simple dream, but don’t be afraid to dream big and work toward that goal.
Are you ready to create a new life that you love that is full of joy, or are you content to stay where you are? The choice to keep moving forward is up to you.
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* If you would like me to speak with your cancer encouragement group, GriefShare group, caregiver’s group, church fellowship group, book club, or radio broadcast, please contact me through my website.