Caregiving

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Respecting Wishes

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In 2011, Chris fractured three vertebrae. We discovered he had developed osteoporosis, caused by a clinical trial drug he was taking. His doctor wanted him to receive an infusion to help reverse the bone loss as quickly as possible. She told him the most common side effects are flu-like symptoms.

I researched the drug options after we got home to see if they would jeopardize his health. I learned they can cause the femur—the strongest bone in the body—to break. But what I found next terrified me.

Caregiving

At a Cancer Encouragement Group meeting I attended without Chris, the survivors updated the group on their status. After I told how Chris was doing, the leader then asked me, “How are you doing, DeLayne?” No one had ever asked me that. People would often ask Chris how he was doing with me standing right next to him, but it was as if I were invisible.

I was caught off guard by the question. I burst into tears, touched that someone cared about me. Someone understood I was suffering too. I later read an article regarding this phenomenon and became aware it would help me to discuss my feelings with other caregivers.