Imerman Angels is an international program that recruits mentors to provide emotional support for cancer patients and their caregivers, matching them with someone going through the same type of cancer and treatment. I signed up to be a Mentor Angel and was matched in 2014 with Kay in Colorado. We talked fairly often by email and sometimes by phone.
“How do you fight depression?” she asked one day.
At a Cancer Encouragement Group meeting I attended without Chris, the survivors updated the group on their status. After I told how Chris was doing, the leader then asked me, “How are you doing, DeLayne?” No one had ever asked me that. People would often ask Chris how he was doing with me standing right next to him, but it was as if I were invisible.
I was caught off guard by the question. I burst into tears, touched that someone cared about me. Someone understood I was suffering too. I later read an article regarding this phenomenon and became aware it would help me to discuss my feelings with other caregivers.
Do you, as a caregiver, ever feel like a piece of your life is missing because of your overwhelming responsibilities, and you feel like no one understands what you’re going through? Studies have shown that connecting with a support group is extremely important. Sharing what’s on your heart can help you understand the puzzle as to why you may be suddenly feeling a range of new emotions such as grief, guilt, fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, resentment, frustration, discouragement, and even loneliness. You don’t want to express these feelings to the patient and burden him/her, who has enough to deal with just focusing on getting well. People who share your common experiences can provide invaluable help, whether it is in the form of providing resources, coping tips, or simply a listening ear and a hug.
A huge responsibility as caregiver has just landed in your lap. Your loved one's life rests in your hands. Below are some tips to help you manage this new role.
Make sure doctors/hospitals are in your insurance plan and treatments are covered. Cancer treatments are very expensive and can continue for a long time, depending on the type of cancer. You don’t want to pay out-of-network charges.
Take a list of questions to every appointment. Write down the answers or ask if you may record the appointment. Ask the doctor to explain things in terms you understand. If you don’t know what questions to ask in the beginning, search the internet for “Questions to ask about ________ cancer” or the medical condition you are dealing with.
