Caregiver Tips

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Respecting Wishes

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In 2011, Chris fractured three vertebrae. We discovered he had developed osteoporosis, caused by a clinical trial drug he was taking. His doctor wanted him to receive an infusion to help reverse the bone loss as quickly as possible. She told him the most common side effects are flu-like symptoms.

I researched the drug options after we got home to see if they would jeopardize his health. I learned they can cause the femur—the strongest bone in the body—to break. But what I found next terrified me.

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Dealing with Ambushes of Grief

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I was sitting in the banker’s office when I was ambushed. Not by a bank robber, but by words on her computer monitor. It was in big bold lettering at the top of the huge screen: “CHRIS HAGA, DECEASED. DATE OF DEATH 6-25-2016.

I had not been in denial at all. I had been terminating all of Chris’ accounts for a couple of weeks and had no problem telling people that he had passed away and the date of his death. It was administrative work that I had tackled as if I were working for my bookkeeping clients. (It was during that period when I was numb and just robot-like did what needed to be done.) But seeing it in bold letters on a financial document glaring at me, the finality of my husband’s life hit me smack in the face. This was my husband’s death we were dealing with, not just an administrative matter. When the banker looked up, tears were streaming down my face. She understandingly handed me a tissue and waited for me to regain my composure.

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Caregiver Tips: Part 7 – Planning Ahead for Terminal Patients

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It’s never easy to make plans for dying, but it’s a fact of life that we will all die someday, and it could be in the blink of an eye for any of us. Here are some tips for things to take care of, especially if the patient has a terminal illness:

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Caregiver Tips: Part 6 – Caregiver Support

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Do you, as a caregiver, ever feel like a piece of your life is missing because of your overwhelming responsibilities, and you feel like no one understands what you’re going through? Studies have shown that connecting with a support group is extremely important. Sharing what’s on your heart can help you understand the puzzle as to why you may be suddenly feeling a range of new emotions such as grief, guilt, fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, resentment, frustration, discouragement, and even loneliness. You don’t want to express these feelings to the patient and burden him/her, who has enough to deal with just focusing on getting well. People who share your common experiences can provide invaluable help, whether it is in the form of providing resources, coping tips, or simply a listening ear and a hug.

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Caregiver Tips: Part 5 – Financial Matters

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Medical treatment for a catastrophic diagnosis such as cancer is expensive. Knowing what financial resources are available, having good money management skills, and being organized becomes extremely important. Here are some tips to help you get off to a good start:

Caregiver Tips: Part 4 - Treatment

Although I wrote the following with cancer treatment in mind, many of these tips can apply to any kind of medical treatment.

  • Realize that a cancer diagnosis and treatment changes everything about life as you once knew it. A cancer patient can become easily frustrated over things that never bothered him/her previously. Emotions can easily surface, as the patient is having to deal with a life-threatening illness, side effects of treatment, side effects of the cancer itself, changes in work status and routine, changes in physical appearance, financial stress, loss of social activities, loss of physical capabilities, etc.

Caregiver Tips: Part 3 - Organizing

To ease the stress of caregiving, it helps to have a system to organize the information you need. Develop a system that works for you. Here’s what I organized to have access at my fingertips and to keep my sanity:

A big 3-ring binder that I carried to medical visits included:

  • Doctors’ and nurses’ contact information (I put their business cards in a plastic binder with slots made for 20 cards per page.)

Caregiver Tips: Part 2 - Emergency Room Trips 

Emergency room trips are almost inevitable if a patient is being treated for a long-term medical condition. Here are some tips from our personal experiences:

  • Keep your automobile filled with enough gas to get to medical appointments or to the hospital in an emergency. Keep it maintained with regular oil changes and tire rotations.

  • Keep luggage prepacked with basics for frequent trips to the ER. Assume the patient will be admitted for at least two to three days—or longer.

  • Keep a checklist of things to take to the emergency room.

Caregiver Tips: Part 1 - For the New Caregiver

A huge responsibility as caregiver has just landed in your lap. Your loved one's life rests in your hands. Below are some tips to help you manage this new role.

  • Make sure doctors/hospitals are in your insurance plan and treatments are covered. Cancer treatments are very expensive and can continue for a long time, depending on the type of cancer. You don’t want to pay out-of-network charges.

  • Take a list of questions to every appointment. Write down the answers or ask if you may record the appointment. Ask the doctor to explain things in terms you understand. If you don’t know what questions to ask in the beginning, search the internet for “Questions to ask about ________ cancer” or the medical condition you are dealing with.

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Questions

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Welcome to my blog! This is a place where I will provide caregiver tips, resources for cancer information and financial help, and suggestions to assist those who are going through a devastating medical diagnosis. I might include excerpts from our books and some “outtakes” that didn’t make it into my book. You may suggest in the “Comments” section other topics you’d like me to cover in this blog related to caregiving or cancer.